While going through a ghastly 1 month long repair cycle for my Dell laptop, I just heard the following canned message on my interminable, hours long sixth telephone wait:
Spyware and viruses are considered third party software and are not installed or supported by Dell.
Huh?
So there I was, working away with FOX News in the background, when I heard:
Rude Lover denied charges he grabbed women from behind
WHAT? We’ll hear that on Jay Leno for a few days;-)
As it turns out, the real name is Ruud Lubbers, former Dutch prime minister.
Say his name ten times fast. If that isn’t bad enough, try spoonerizing the name.
From Unkknown
BIG JOHN (KERRY)
Every mornin’ on the Hill you could see him arrive
Standing six-foot-four, weighing one-twenty-five
Kinda’ scrawny at the shoulders and lacking a spine
And when he spoke at all, it was mainly to whine.
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John.
Nobody seems to know what’s in John’s soul
His ‘beliefs’ are based on the latest poll
Though he’ll say what it takes to get your votes
It’s the leftist agenda that he really promotes
Big John.
Some one said he came from Boston town
Where he joined the Navy and gained renown
‘Earning’ three purple hearts and one bronze star
The home folks said, “This boy will go far”
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
Then came a day back in ‘71
When he renounced all the medals that he had won
Then turned against his country and his Navy friends
And sold them out for his own selfish ends
(Big John)
He appeared before Congress and on left-wing talk shows
Giving aid and comfort to America’s foes
It was clear to see whose side he was on
Some say he helped cause the fall of Saigon
Big John (Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John).
He claims to be for the working poor
Yet he owns 5 mansions from shore to shore
He never had to work a day in his life
‘Cause he learned it helps to have a wealthy wife!
Big John
Now he wants to be our next President
and Commander-in-chief of those he resents
The American soldiers who fight and die
To give him the freedom to tell us his lies
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
Thousands have sacrificed their young lives
To help ensure that our nation survives
A vote for Kerry is a slap in the face
To all the brave soldiers that he’s disgraced
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
- Forwarded by a News &Views reader, author unknown
Borowitz reported that after Mrs. Kerry’s public gaffe, she has been moved to a secure location. He failed to note that it was also Dick Cheney’s secure location.
Reportedly the two exchanged words:
Mrs. Kerry: “Shove it!”
Mr. Cheney: “F*** you!”
Both were said to be feeling much better after the exchange.
A fellow Mil-Blogger has come up with an amazing security memo. Yes, this is for real. check out the security bulletin at his site.
Randall Robinson has a revealing Kerry photograph.
Fox News’ Brit Hume, while discussing the capture of Saddam Hussein (The Ace of Spades in the famous card deck), referred to him as
The Ace in the Hole
Yeah!
Meanwhile, Kuwaitis are having fun with this:
Kuwaitis, jubilant at the capture of arch-foe Saddam Hussein, were Sunday frantically sending each other mobile text messages of mock denials from former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammad said as-Sahhaf [AKA Baghdad Bob].
Okay… here’s a contest… now that Saddam has been captured, we need a list of the Top Ten reasons Saddam should get the death penalty. These are joke reasons (the real reasons are obvious and not funny).
Here’s the list so far:
I can’t take credit for this. It’s circulating the internet. But since I didn’t find it in Google, here it is for your enjoyment:
News anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR reporter Cokie Roberts, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals. They were led to the village and brought before the chief.
Dennis Miller’s latest Fox News Monologue is online. A sample:
Let me reiterate, if you’re such a complete zipper-head that you cannot maneuver your way around a chad, then guess what? I don’t want you to vote because you’ll vote stupid and I’m not talking about run of the mill stupidity here either. I’m talking about weapon-grade stupidity.
